You know you're a stoner when...

...you're home alone and you choose between weed and porn.

My Next Life

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

-George Carlin (the fucking man)

Chipotle

I think that Chipotle is probably the only food on earth that I could eat every single day and not get sick of it. Yes, it's that damn good.

But why, why oh why do they not have drive-thrus? I mean, I'm willing to pay $7 for a Godlike burrito, but when I'm high as fuck and/or half-naked, I don't want to see people I know. All I want is a burrito the size of my head. Is that too much to ask?

We can breathe in space

…they just don't want us to escape.

Note to Self:

Find out who coined the term, "coined the term".

Accents

Accents come from looking at the word on paper and deciding how to pronounce it.

A Universe Unknown

What if humans didn't have eyes? Would the universe be beautiful but unnoticed; existent but unknown?